I was talking to a girl online that I met through an online game (yes, I am a loser, and I play that crap). She was talking about how much she has been bullied not only in real life, but also online. Apparently, it was some game she was playing, and they began to attack not only her character, but her profile photo. I think that she was pretty, but others were exposing whatever flaws that she might have had...this really kicked me in the gut...bullying is something that resides really close to my heart, and something that I do not have any tolerance to...it was talking to her that really got me to thinking.
Perhaps it is because I was a target for most of my life (hell, in high school, I was invited to not only ONE but TWO "pig parties"), that being bullied affects me more than it should. I was short, covered in blemishes, poor, fizzy haired, never had the right clothes, shy, quiet, spent most of my time with my nose in either a book or comic (yes, to top it all off, I was a comic book/fantasy/sci-fi dork), and just overall plain. It was easy to either just overlook me or make me a target. Apparently, many found the latter to be more amusing...in fact, I remember one year, a friend and I were hit by eggs, all the while being insulted six ways from Friday. While I know that this stuff is supposed give you an iron backbone, damn, that shit really does hurt....and people were really puzzled when I tried to take my life several times by drug overdoses...you can only act so strong when you hurt that much inside. Go ahead and call me a coward (whatever, you do not truly know me)...some people can fight...others have problems...but I eventually plowed on (thanks to the support of small but incredible group of friends...I would not be here if it were not for them...), and continued to throw the attitude out that nothing bothered me (yeah, right)...even though some nights I was not even sure if I was going to even get through it...to me, I felt like I was trapped in some type of dystopian zone where everyone was happy but myself...I felt like it was never going to end (in fact, I still deal with it now sometimes).
I dunno, I guess this just stuff one goes through when they are growing up...part of natural selection and all of that. I know that bullying is something that will never truly go away, in fact it is part of human nature to hurt others, even if we do not even realise. Sadly, I will admit that in the past I have been guilty of hurting others...it is amazing what the idea of "if you cannot beat them, join them" can do in desperate times while trying to fit in...to anything...sometimes you abandon yourself to have a 'friend...or some type of human companionship'.
I was thinking about all of the hate that exists...many people dislike types of harmless people, either sight unseen or based on a poor example (or just...different/misunderstood). I have learned throughout my life is to always go on a case-by-case basis...sure, there are always going to be asshats in every group...but you cannot always judge by that. (now before someone brings up and compares groups like child molesters to GLBT groups, DON'T. I am not talking about people that are going to harm others....in fact that is one of the points of this post anyway...I am talking about people protesting and openly speaking negatively about groups that are not harming others...but simply because they are different (and even a disagreement from a 'moral' stand point cannot even be a good enough platform...they just need to look at their own dilemmas before they judge others...NO ONE IS PERFECT).
In any case...I will always continue to stick up for others that are less than perfect or different...or just whatever...I have reached the age where I do not care what people say about me...I am a big girl, but I will always give a voice to those that might not be loud enough to be heard.
(please excuse the poor grammar/writing and such...I have a massive migraine, but I really needed to get this out today after the conversation with this one girl (to whom I wish all the best to))...but again, this does not even begin to fully convey what I want to express, so before you begin attack on half addressed opinions, please, just chill out...I just am tired of hate, ignorance, and people hurting other because of their own lack of self-esteem or an over righteous belief, that's all...all religions promote unconditional love at some point....remember that.
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